Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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