In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
