You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
