i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
