she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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