Me. At least after what I've been through.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
