Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
