She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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