I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
