I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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