Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
