Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
