she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
