I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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