I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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