that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
