every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
