I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
