I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
