mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just tell him i said nine months
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
