her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
