Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I stole a fireplace last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
