So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
