I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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