Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
