Whod you bang
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
