Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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