i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
