If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
