I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
