So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
