So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
