Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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