i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
