chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
