i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
