He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
