So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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