apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize