2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
