Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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