i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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