i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
