these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
