and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
