took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
