My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the night ended with taco bell and tears
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
