my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
