I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
