He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
