cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
