Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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