I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
