You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
