he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
