The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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