Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
