Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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