At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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