We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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