I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
