The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
