She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
