I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
