this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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