Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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