Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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