There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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