I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize