whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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